how can u be prego again
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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