I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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