So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Randomize
