eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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