he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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