No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
