Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
