how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
