yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
