I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
