i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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