Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
