Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
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Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
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It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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