Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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