i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
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i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
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She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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