i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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