Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
