I'm eating all of the evidence.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
