Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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