It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
