i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She is in my trunk
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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