I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
