My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
