Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
