sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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