Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
