i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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