I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
