i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
