How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize