Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you inspire me to be a worse person
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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