Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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