The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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