I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
