Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sext me about skeletons
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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