If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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