Soap is not a condiment
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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