honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
