First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
