Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
