you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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