Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
