I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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