all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
A+ Viking dick
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
