I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
