I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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