420 ftw
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
