I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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