All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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