It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
