I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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