happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
