I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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